Sunday, February 14, 2010

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bitterSweeT LoVe

Have you ever been inlove? Ha! The joy of being inlove.*_* I would always like to be inlove. I would never tire of loving. It makes my life wonderful and complete. It makes life normal, natural! The adventure and the life.!

When did I first fall-in-love? I am not sure.. But I am sure when I first shed tears for the one I love.
Well, that was years, i mean really years, ago and I was still then in the first level of college years.
That was maybe the best day of my college years. It was a good relationship. I was so inspired in whatever I do. I tried my best in my subjects. Though people around me said that having a boyfriend while studying is not good. It would only destroy my studies. But of course I didn't listen. I am in-love and happy. I counldn't find any wrong in that. But everyone think I was not good enough for him. So what??? He chose me and I chose him to loved.
Well then, everthing didn't go on so right. Things change and the good - well, atleast I think - relationship ended the same day of our very first anniversay. *SAD*
I cried and cried and cried. But nobody knows that except me and God. I hide the real feelings to everybody. I tried to eat normally, act normally, when deep down in my heart I am breaking into pieces and I wanna hide and I wanna stay in one place and cry. I keep studying my lessons, although of course, most times I couln't focus. There are times when I couldn't make my exams and assignments because tears would suddenly fall without warning. And when I am to eat, I almost can't swallow, that whenever I tried to do so, the food would stay on my throat or came back and I have to throw it up. So what I did is that I wouldn't eat with company. If I have company I have to tried so hard to atleast eat a few so that they won't notice. Being jolly and almost always smiling is my way of hiding what's really I'm feeling. I stayed close to my friends, always finding something to laugh about and always keeping myself busy. I know I have been successful in hiding my broken heart, but I can see the effect of hurting in my appearance. I became so thin, thinner than I used to be. And for the first few months I lost interest in my studies.

But then thank God, one day I remembered my future. What will become of it. It wasn't him I am destroying if I don't study or if I don't eat. So then, I started to think that 'love won't destroy me'. That I have no reason to destroy myself, no reason to hurt myself. I start to focus again to my studies, and always thinking that he's not gonna destroy my future. He hurt me yes, but he cannot destroy me. That's my spirit during those times and I thank God that He helped me recognize that just in time.

It was years ago, but I can still remember the joy of being in-love, and of course the pain. But those pain wouldn't stop me from loving [again]. I had learned to stand again after a fall and I believe that those experiences helped me improve myself and toughen me up. I am in relationship again, and I am in-love. But atleast I am much more mature and much more ready for everything, though of course I wouldn't want those things to happen again. :) I want to stay in-love and be happy, besides it's valentines and it's the month of loving. Cupid is around and busy. And hoping I'm not hindering his tasks. :)

So this month of love, may everybody stay in-love and feel the joy it brings.!!

HAPPY VALENTINES EVERYONE. ^_^ happy hearts happy and be blessed!!


jenskie said...

love is precious! its the greatest wonder God ever gave to us.

ur_gurLNxtdOor said...

well...well...well...when loving someone, it is really inevitable not to encounter some pains and heartaches along the's's part of life -- part of loving...but it doesn't hurt all the time, though.

The hurt is just there to let you grow into a much better and mature person and to teach you to love truly but WISELY. I'm just sooooo happy for you that you finally found the 'ONE' for you...hoping to hear a wedding bell soon :)don't forget to invite me, okie dokie?

The Rookie Blogger said...

mas nahurt ako kasi wala akong ka date...