Wednesday, August 30, 2017

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The Fear of Cancer

In today's generation, a simple lymph in any part of the body gives shiver to anyone who has it.

When we touch a lymph especially on places of our body where it should not be, our tendency is to seek professional help. When we speak of professional help, we go to doctor to doctors. Seeking advises and recommendations.

When the doctor mention the word "tumor" we crashed down. And shiver in fear. Our minds works rapidly. Our heart is pounding. All negative vibes are internalized. We even sometimes fear

Who wouldn't? We all know that tumor is always an indication of cancer. And cancer is a terminal disease. Cancer is a disease for the rich. What will happen to ordinary person, earning minimum wage if he is detected with such illness? What more if he is unemployed? These are instances that will really makes us think, "what will happen?"

This happens with my husband. One day he touched a lump on his left breast just under his tit. For a few days he ignored it. But a week or so, he started complaining that it hurts. I ignored him. Saying and convincing him that maybe some hard objects landed on his breast or maybe he was beaten a little harder. And he agreed that maybe he got it when he bump hard on his motorcycle. For awhile that is what we keep in mind.

After 4 or 5 weeks that nothing change with the situation and an occasional pain he felt, we decided to consult a doctor. Upon the doctors initial diagnosis (touching the breast and the lump under the tit) his findings ... "Gynecomastia".

GYNECOMASTIA is an abnormality in hormone production of a male individual. He said that Gynecomastia is caused by too much production of estrogen instead of testosterone, thus making his breast to enlarge.

The doctor advised him to undergo breast ultrasound to have more accurate findings. Since my husband is too old for breast enlargement. Which usually happens for teenage boys. Upon the result of ultrasound, the findings is different. It contradicts the doctors initial findings. Which gives us fear.
In ultrasound result, there are two possibilities that causes the breast lump.

The words "complex" and "cyst" are words that makes us fear the result. And because the result of the ultrasound and the doctors' initial findings did not match, he was recommended for biopsy. We went home that day, thinking what to do. We didn't decide yet if we want to undergo biopsy since an operation will be done and it is expensive. Budget is another issue.

We stayed home for awhile and looks for guidance and opinions from friends and relatives. But most nights my husband doesn't sleep well during this stage. And I caught him thinking deeply. He became silent and less active. I know that he is in fear. I know that he thinks of his condition. He is stressed out. He loss weight. He rarely went out of our home.

We were thinking of asking for a second opinion. We are considering going to Manila to ask other doctors. But with my husband attitude towards his illness and the constant complain of pain and not sleeping well, we decided to go on with the operation.

The biopsy as advised by the doctor will give us more accurate result. A 100% accuracy of the condition. So holding on to that, we went on with it. The two (2) weeks of waiting for the result is a torture. Both of us are in fear. Both are anxious. Even if I wanted to show him that I am strong (for one of us must be), deep inside I was killing myself very slowly.

So when the hospital's laboratory officer texted me that the result of the biopsy is available, I left my work without notice to my boss. Went home, told my husband that the result is ready. Even texted the doctor's secretary to ask about the availability of my husband's surgeon. We want immediate action. We want to end the torture.

There is fear. Fear of the result. What if's. What is it is positive for cancer? What if, what if..

But the result will end the torture we are going through. There will be an answer. Medication will be given early if it is. And peace of mind if it is not.

Relief was a gift.... Tears of joy flood in... And he almost hug the surgeon when we heard the result.

He is now in a month of recovery from surgery.

We are now on third week of recovering from silent torture...

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